Do You Fear Change?

If so, this article will help you learn to change….without fear!

By Michelle Shelton
www.keys2kids.com

In 1995 my best friend was murdered. I allowed my grief to consume me for nearly two years until my husband said, “Shelly, when are you coming back to me?” I didn’t know what to say because I didn’t realize that I had been “gone” at all. I was functioning at a very low level of consciousness and I wasn’t truly living my life. In reflection I understand that I had to embrace the “new normal” I had been forced into with no warning. I hated it. It was ugly and uncomfortable. I liked things the way they were before she died. Why did it have to change?

Life didn’t seem so grand during those two years. I slept a lot. I developed an illness and it robbed my body of energy and I fell into depression. I was unprepared for this severe change. My life was unraveling.

Since 1995, I learned that just rolling with change does not work for me. I have to actually embrace it. Instead of constantly dreading negative change, I strive to create positive change, to embrace it and make it my friend, to make it an ordinary in my life that I don’t fear.

How do you do that? Well, I do it by putting myself in a state of high-awareness all the time and I do that by changing my surroundings and my daily routine. I strive not to attach myself to habits and allow them to define me. I often take a new route to work, eat at new restaurants, and talk to new people. I get to know people that I am not drawn to because I know that everyone has something of value to teach me. When I am in line at the store, I make myself talk to the person next to me. If I am part of a group that meets on a regular basis, I attempt to sit in a different seat each week. Sometimes this is difficult because others naturally find their way back to their same seat and unless you are an early bird, your seat may be the only one left…waiting…just for you!

Most people are habitual like this because there is comfort and ease in the habits that define our lives. Some people have a more laid back personality and “go with the flow.” I am not one of those people. My in-laws call me a control freak! Ouch! I prefer to go with what my own mother calls me, “a mover and a shaker.” In other words she thinks I am a person that makes positive things happen. I like that idea. That is what I want to be, a mover and a shaker.

The serenity prayer hangs on my computer: God grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I want the wisdom first so I can understand the things I can change and not waste my time and energy attempting to change things that I can’t. I think this is the difference between a mover and a shaker and a control freak. A mover and a shaker understands what can be changed and plows ahead and a control freak attempts to change things beyond their control and spins their wheels.

Why don’t we like change? It is because it disrupts our level of comfort or our Comfort Zone. You know, the areas of your life that you feel safe and secure. You can function in a familiar atmosphere almost without thinking, unconsciously, and without excitement just like I did after my friend died. The problem with living in this state is, even though it is safe, it is not really living. It is dead. There is no fear and no risk but there is also no challenge, no elation, no life experiences, and no growth. A ship is safe in the harbor, but a ship wasn’t made to sit in the harbor, was it? Nor were you made to live a life with very little feeling of happiness and excitement.

Remember when you learned to drive? You were excited…..yet….afraid. You didn’t know what to expect. It was fun but nerve wracking. You couldn’t talk or listen to the radio at first because driving required your full concentration, full awareness and full attention, didn’t it? I bet you can still recall the car you learned to drive and maybe even the smell of the interior. Now most of us drive to work and we can’t even remember how we got there because we do it at such a low level of consciousness. Once we took the risk and learned to drive, it became comfortable. The anxiety and fear melted away and you had expanded your territory to include the freedom to get places.

A friend of mine calls me BOLD. I don’t see it as being bold. I have fear like everyone else…the difference is, I choose to embrace the fear instead of avoid it because I don’t want to be held back from really experiencing life. Fear of change will do that. Fear will make most people not RISK discovering a new love, friendships, and career opportunities. Fear will prevent you from RISK in developing your talents and gifts. It robs us of a life well lived and condemns us to a life of mediocrity and regret.

Your children are no different than you. Expose them to new situations, new faces, and new places. Expand their Comfort Zone. Teach them and train them to experience life in a positive ways.

Strive to expand your territory this week, shop at a different grocery store; drive a different path to school or work. Grow your Comfort Zone by exposing yourself to new things. Talk to people you haven’t talked to before. You will become more confident, secure…..hmm….maybe even….BOLD!Afraid? Congratulations! Your fear is moving you toward embracing positive change. You are on the path to designing the life you want! What about the anxiety you are feeling? Oh that. Well…..that is just….the sensation of truly LIVING your life!
© 2003 by Michelle Shelton. All rights reserved

Michelle Shelton is an author, parenting coach, parent consultant, acclaimed public speaker, and parent educator. Michelle is the author of the well known column Life with all these Kids. Contact her at 480-888-9352 or michelleshelton@yahoo.com

This article provided by the Family Content Archives at: http://www.Family-Content.com